I Chose Myself: My Midlife Awakening and Identity Shift

Jan 18

If you’ve ever felt the pull to choose yourself in midlife but didn’t know why, you may be in the middle of a midlife awakening. This post shares what an identity shift actually feels like, why “good enough” stops being enough, and what happens when you finally honor who you’re becoming.

This blog post is adapted from Episode 3 of the Evolving Into Her podcast. Listen Below.

I Quit My Job, Ended My Relationship, and Left My City (Here's What Happened)

What happens when everything looks right on paper but your spirit knows it's wrong?

Have you ever had everything you thought you wanted and still felt completely off? The job, the relationship, the stability, the routine. All the boxes checked. All the things you prayed for. And yet something deep inside you was restless, uneasy, whispering that this wasn't it.

That was me around age 34/35. And the moment I finally got honest about it cracked my entire life wide open.

This isn't a story about a dramatic breakdown. It's about a quiet, honest reckoning. A crossroads moment where I had to answer a question I'd been avoiding: Am I really going to keep settling? Or am I ready to choose myself?

When "Good Enough" Stops Being Enough

I was in a relationship at the time. We'd been together for a few years, and I have nothing bad to say about him. He was sweet, he was solid, there was no drama. He showed up, he meant well, and honestly, it was one of the best relationships I'd been in at the time.

But my body knew. My spirit knew.

I kept asking myself over and over: Is he the one? Is this right for me? Should I stay? And every time, I got dead silence in response. That silence was my answer.

I tried to override it. I prayed, I journaled, I magnified every good quality he had. I made the pros and cons list. I went to the tarot reader (LOL). I wrote out every reason he was a good man. But here's a hard truth I had to sit with: good does not always mean aligned. And I had to get real about that.

One night we had one of those long, deep conversations that happens when you both already know. And sitting on that couch, I made the decision. I wasn't going to keep betraying my own knowing. Shortly after, I ended it. Not out of anger, but out of respect. Respect for him, for me, for my future self, and for what we both deserved.

What Happens When You Stop Pretending?

That one decision changed everything. Because once I had the courage to walk away from something that was no longer aligned, I couldn't unsee all the other pieces of my life that were out of alignment too.

I started looking around and asking myself: Do I even like this version of my life? Does it still reflect who I am and where I'm going?

My job was the next thing I had to face. I'd been working in the accounting field for almost a decade. It was stable, the pay was good, and at one point I genuinely loved it. But over time, leadership changed, morale dropped, and the energy started feeling heavy. I was getting the Sunday scaries, counting down to Friday, fantasizing about walking out at lunch and never coming back.

I was spending too much time in that office to feel that kind of heaviness. It was making me anxious and sick. I started complaining constantly, and that's not even in my character. I wasn't coming up with solutions. I was just sitting in the misery.

Then there was my city. I was raised in the DMV and I love it, but it had started to feel stale. The same places, the same conversations, the same energy. I felt like I was living on autopilot, stuck in a loop.

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The Question That Changed Everything

One night, fresh off the breakup, I was sitting in my apartment and it was eerily quiet. I looked around and thought: If I'm not in this relationship anymore and this job isn't a fit anymore, then why am I still here?

Nothing was tethering me. I wasn't married. I didn't have kids or a dog relying on me. The only person keeping me stuck was me.

That question hit different. It's the one that made me shift. It's the one that gave me the audacity to quit my job with nothing lined up.

So I did what I always do when I need clarity. I journaled. And I wrote: If I stay on this path, will my 40 year old self be proud? I was 34/35 at the time, looking forward to my future self and her experience. Would she look back and say, "Thank you for holding it down"? Or would she feel like I sold myself short?

When I answered honestly, the answer was no. She wouldn't be proud. She'd be heartbroken, wondering what her life could have been if she just trusted her gut.

And it clicked. I wasn't going to wait on clarity. I already had all the clarity I needed. I just didn't want to deal with the cost of the truth.

Burning It Down and Starting Over

So I made the decision. I broke my lease. I quit my job. I sold most of my stuff and packed the rest into a 4 by 6 U-Haul.

The night before I left, I sat in my nearly empty apartment. Boxes, bare walls, silence. That's when the anxiety crept in. I cried my eyes out. My chest was tight. And I remember saying out loud, "What the hell am I doing? Am I blowing my life up?"

Because that's exactly what it felt like. I could have all the faith in the world, but in the moment, there was no clear path and no guarantee any of it would work.

A friend said something to me that night I'll never forget: "You didn't destroy your life. You made room for your real one."

My whole nervous system exhaled. Because even though it felt chaotic, it was really alignment. And alignment doesn't always look like ease and peace and butterflies. Sometimes it looks like making hard, uncomfortable decisions that bring uncertainty and anxiety. But it was the first time in years I felt like I was finally choosing me.

What Choosing Myself Actually Built

I drove to Houston from the DMV on a 24 hour road trip with my brother. I didn't have a job lined up, didn't have a solid plan, didn't have a network. I just had a deep inner knowing and my grandmother who lived nearby. That was my only anchor.

When I got to Houston, I started working for myself and built a business from scratch. No business degree, no formal strategy, no business plan. Just intuition, grit, and a whole lot of inner work.

In the beginning, I was offering energy healing sessions, making intention oils out of my kitchen, hosting challenges, creating digital products aligned with my work. But even then, I felt something I hadn't felt in years: purpose and fulfillment. The more I showed up for it, the more it expanded. And as a result, I expanded too.

I started attracting clients who felt like soul family. I got clear on what I was here to offer and I stopped watering it down to be palatable.

And in the middle of all that, when I least expected it, when I was just out here enjoying my life and minding my business, I met a man who sees me. Who makes me feel safe to be soft, to receive, who honors me for who I am, exactly as I am. He proposed seven and a half months into us dating, and our partnership has been the sweetest, safest chapter of my life.

But here's the thing. None of that happened because I had a perfect five year plan. It happened because I got honest. Radically honest. It happened because I chose to stop pretending I was fulfilled and started living like I deserved more.

You Don't Have to Burn It All Down

Let me be real. My story was dramatic. I basically lit a match, set my life on fire, and walked away with nothing but a vision and a little mustard seed of faith. And by some miracle, it worked.

But I'm not out here telling everybody to do it the way I did. My path is not the blueprint. This is MY testimony.

You don't have to quit your job abruptly. You don't have to end your relationship. You don't have to move to a new city and start from scratch. You can start with small shifts.

Start by telling the truth to yourself in your journal. Start by telling the truth to your therapist. Start by listening to your body, because your body knows when something isn't right for you. Start by noticing where you feel drained, resentful, and misaligned, and slowly begin choosing differently.

Start with the mindset work. Start with the identity shifts. Ask yourself: who do I need to become to call certain experiences and people into my life? Start learning how to regulate your nervous system so your expansion actually feels safe.

Ask yourself: What does the next version of me need right now? Not in theory, but in practice. And then walk that out. That's the foundation. That's the work.

Becoming Is Not a Straight Line

Even after everything I've shared, I'm in another season of expansion right now. Another pivot, another shedding. I've taken huge leaps once again and it's working out. I'm letting it unfold. I'm letting myself be in the in between without needing to force it into shape.

I'm practicing non attachment. I'm not weighing too heavy on my expectations or outcomes. I'm letting this season be sacred, soft, and expansive.

Because that's what this journey is really about. It's not a straight line. It's more like a spiral. And sometimes it spirals down. But it's a sacred unfolding of becoming that doesn't always come with clarity first. It's going to ask you for courage anyway. You still have to take that step without the clarity.

And just know: you're not alone in it.